Somehow, I had never seen the first Blade Runner. With all the excitement about the new one, I figured I’d finally watch it. I went in knowing very little about what I was about to see, other than the fact that it was a cult classic, and that people I trust were excited about the sequel.
So the original Blade Runner is actually a horror movie about these four kids who get trapped in an evil, haunted retro-future city where they know they’ll be hunted down and killed if they’re found. They try to get around this by blending in with the local monsters, and they get away with it for a little while, but the evil masterminds know they’re there, so they call in this mega-hunter, the Blade Runner, who weirdly doesn’t have any blades or even do a whole lot of running (but horror movie monsters never really have to run so you’ve gotta wonder why they called it that anyway).
Meanwhile, the evilest mastermindest has another kid, RACHEL, captive, and she thinks she’s actually one of the monsters until it’s revealed that she’s just another innocent kid who the mastermind is experimenting on. When she realizes this she runs away, and goes to the Blade Runner for help for some reason, even though it’s its job to hunt these poor kids down. Then she comes to her senses and runs away from it, too.
So the Blade Runner is hunting these kids down, and finding them one by one, and even though they put up a good fight, it is able to eliminate them because it’s got that persistent evil thing going on, so it slaughters them even though they manage to beat it up a little bit. For some reason, Rachel goes back to the Blade Runner, maybe thinking it’ll keep her safe if she helps it, and she helps it take out one of the other kids. It kiiiind of rapes her or maybe you could argue that it just convinces her to have sex. Then she’s in love with it or something. She wears less makeup and her hair changes to show she’s not a monster anymore.
Two of the kids are dead and the other two hide out with one of the monsters, who is less monstrous than the other monsters. That monster tries to help them by taking one of the kids, the handsome male, to the evil mastermind. The evil mastermind almost tricks the kid into letting him live, but then at the last moment the kid manages to defeat him, and also kills the less-evil monster for some reason, I mean I guess he’s still a monster.
He goes back to the place they were hiding and finds that the Blade Runner already killed his girlfriend, so he’s sad about that. He fights the Blade Runner and they chase each other around the building for a while. He defeats the Blade Runner but at the last moment saves it from falling to its death, and then he dies because the evil mastermind actually managed to defeat him, even though it seemed like he was going to escape.
The Blade Runner goes back to its lair where Rachel is still waiting, and runs off with her, presumably to use her for its own twisted purposes until the evil mastermind’s evilness destroys her.
I really did enjoy the ambiguity of the Blade Runner, who seemed conflicted about all the killing it was doing for the evil masterminds, even though it did continue to torture and kill the poor kids. That’s more than you get from a lot of horror movies. I dunno, I had a beer, but I think I followed it pretty well.
Originally I posted this on Facebook, and got some great commentary. I wanted to post it here where I’d be able to find it again in the future.